GROWING PAINS? How to help your child understand what their body is saying
Pain is one of the most common reasons children end up in a physio clinic — the aches, niggles, strains, and “weird feelings” that come from growing bodies, active play, sport, and sometimes just being an energetic kid. The pain itself is only half the story though; The other half is the conversation about how your child talks about their pain, how you talk about their pain, and how those conversations shape their understanding of what’s happening in their body.
Children learn about pain through experience, but also through language. They watch your face, your tone, your reactions. They learn whether pain is something frightening, something shameful, something to hide, or something to explore with curiosity. With developing brains, building confidence in understanding what our bodies are trying to tell us is the key difference between becoming fear avoidant or resilient.
This is where a paediatric physio’s perspective can help. We see how the wrong conversation, even with the best intentions, can make pain feel bigger, scarier, or more confusing. We also know how the right conversation can turn a worried child into a confident one.
So, let’s break down what helps.
Start With Body Confidence
Children need to know their bodies are strong, adaptable, and safe. When a child feels confident in their body, pain becomes information rather than danger. Using simple language helps children to become less worried and more curious. Phrases like these:
“Your muscles are telling us they worked hard today.”
“Your body knows how to heal.”
“We’ll figure this out together.”
Encourage connection between unknown or uncomfortable sensations with ideas of information gathering and safety – like drawing a cause and effect. They teach your child that pain doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong; sometimes it simply means their body is learning, growing, or recovering.
Kids take emotional cues from you. If you’re calm, they stay calm. If you’re worried, they worry. Your tone matters more than your words.
Try to keep conversations curious rather than anxious:
“Let’s see what your body is telling us.”
“That sounds uncomfortable — let’s figure it out.”
“You’re safe. We’ll help it settle.”
Focus on Function, Not Pain Scores
One of the biggest traps parents fall into is over‑focusing on pain intensity. Asking “How much does it hurt?” over and over can make kids hyper-aware of every sensation. Instead, shift the focus to function:
“Can you walk a little further today?”
“Does it feel easier to get up from the couch?”
“What can you do today that you couldn’t do yesterday?”
These questions help your child notice progress, not problems. They teach them that improvement isn’t measured by the absence of pain, but by the return of movement, strength, and confidence.
Function also helps reduce fear. When a child realises, “Hey, I can still jump… I can still play… I can still move,” their brain interprets the situation as safe. And when the brain feels safe, pain naturally settles. The more evidence we gather about treating pain in everyone, the more that focusing on function reigns supreme over other measures, and no other population reflects this more than in kids.
Help Them Describe Sensations, Not Diagnose
Kids often struggle to find the right words for pain. They might say “it hurts” when they really mean “it feels tight” or “it feels tired”. Giving them a simple vocabulary helps them express what’s happening without fear:
Tight
Tired
Stiff
Sore
Pinchy
Achy
Avoid big medical labels unless a clinician has given one. Kids latch onto words like “injury”, “tear”, or “damage”, and those words can create unnecessary fear. Instead, guide them gently toward describing sensations in a calm, non-threatening way.
Look for Patterns, Not Moments
Musculoskeletal pain is rarely linear. Kids can feel sore in the morning, fine at lunchtime, sore again after sport, and totally normal by dinner. Instead of reacting to every spike, zoom out and look at patterns:
When does the pain show up?
What makes it better?
What makes it worse?
Is it improving over a week, not an hour?
This helps you and your physio understand what’s really going on. Keeping note of these in your phone can also help to find the pattern or movement that might be causing the discomfort.
What Not to Focus On
Just as important as what you do say is what you don’t say. Some well‑meaning habits can accidentally make pain feel bigger or scarier.
Don’t chase no pain before function - aiming for “no pain at all” can set unrealistic expectations. Mild soreness during recovery is normal and safe. Instead of perfection, aim for progress.
Don’t go chasing information - asking about pain too often can make kids tune into every tiny sensation. Check in once or twice a day, not every hour.
Avoid Catastrophising Language - phrases like “That sounds really bad” or “Be careful, you might hurt it again” can increase fear and reduce confidence. Swap them for calm, curious alternatives.
Don’t Minimise or Dismiss - saying “You’re fine” or “Stop worrying” shuts down communication. Kids need validation and guidance. Try: “I hear you. Let’s figure out what’s going on.”
When to Seek Help
Most musculoskeletal pain in kids is harmless and settles quickly with time, movement, and reassurance. But you should check in with a physio or GP if your child has:
Pain lasting longer than a week in the same place
Back pain
Pain that’s worsening over time
Night pain that wakes them
Swelling, redness, or fever
Pain after a significant injury
Pain that stops them doing normal activities
These aren’t emergencies, but they’re worth a professional look.
Talking about pain with your child isn’t about perfect phrasing or medical expertise. It’s about connection, curiosity, and confidence. When you focus on function, open communication and patterns, you help your child build a healthy, resilient relationship with their body. Pain is a normal part of growing, learning, and being an active kid. Your role isn’t to eliminate every ache. It’s to help them feel safe, supported, and capable.